As the weather has been such a tease lately, I am struggling with excited anticipation for spring to really be here. Not only will I finally get to hold our miracle baby girl (I will explain that in a minute) but I am prepping for growing season, and lambing season is well under way. These are some of my favorite times in life.
So back to our little girl. My husband and I went to an infertility clinic for 6 years. We had one doctor tell us that we shouldn’t have any issues. Then after the years went by with no successful pregnancies despite taking all of the medications, scans, tests, and surgeries, and going through all of the heart ache and disappointment with infertility, we spoke to another doctor. He told us that not only would I never conceive without help but I would also never carry to term. I began to believe he was right after we lost not one but four babies during the first trimester.
So along came January last year. We quit seeing the infertility doctors and I put my focus into my other children and our farm. Fast forward to August and I was just getting home from a camping trip with the kids (where my poor hubby could only join for a few days). The trip was just what I needed. We disconnected from everything and just spent time as a family, hiking, fishing, biking, kayaking, etc. It was wonderful. After the trip though, I began feeling very logy and just tired. Low and behold, I was doing just fine, but was pregnant.
We called the doctors and they put me on so many medications to help me not lose her. As the weeks passed we found out I had a subchorionic hematoma. I ended up having a large bleed and lost a clot the size of a lemon. We took a trip to the emergency room where they told me that my hcg levels were dropping and I was having a miscarriage. I was sent home devastated with my husband by my side. We were told to follow up the next morning for an ultrasound.
We spent the night praying and crying together. The next morning we went in for the ultrasound and there was the most beautiful sight!! Our baby girl was there with a strong heart beat. She was nestled exactly where she should be. They put me on a modified bedrest for several weeks, followed us very closely with bloodwork, medications and ultrasounds. Despite all odds, our baby girl is a fighter and God certainly knew better than doctors.
The weeks passed and now we are just under 5 weeks shy of a scheduled c-section for our beautiful miracle baby. So as the weather changes, the nesting kicks into full gear, our lambs are being born, our seedling plants are beginning to sprout, and our sheep are ready for sheering (I cannot wait to try to spin that wool). I feel nothing but hope, and am excitedly anticipating our upcoming farm season. I cannot wait to be holding our baby girl while planting our garden…or taking her out to the barn with the baby lambs. I cannot wait to sit at my new loom with her snuggled up to me while I learn to weave with the help of a new friend and the local spinning and weaving guild.
I am excitedly anticipating our other children playing with their sister and the baby animals. All that I can do in the meantime is plan and prepare for what I can, all while knowing that life always throws curveballs, and let’s be honest, no one is ever truly prepared for any of these things. We are never truly prepared for a new baby, nor lambing season (mom’s always throw curveballs) or gardening or weather or any of it. We just get to take what God gives us and make the most out of it. We get to be thankful for the blessings we have and share what we can with those around us. So, here I am, excitedly anticipating what this next season will be like, but never really knowing how it will turn out in the end.